Torn
by De-Vampire-Angelique
Summary: SpikexFaye....Faye finds a picture in Spike's room...of Julia. Does he still have feelings for her, or was the picture just left over from 'back in the day?' And why does he all of the sudden actually 'want to talk?' 1st chapter! R&R PLEASE!!!!


I do not own Cowboy Bebop, the characters or anything that is Bebop. I only have two of the DVDs, and those don't really count. Ohhh, but if I DID own Cowboy Bebop, WHICH I DON'T, I would have sooooo much fun! Oh, the hair tips I could get from Ed.all right! All right, well, the title of this first chapter is for the song "Ain't Talkin' 'Bout Love" by Van Halen.  
  
Well, on with zeh fic!!  
  
I had mucho help on this one from my dearest, bestest buddie in the whole wide world, whom I love, Miru88!! Ah, yes, well, this is kind of my first attempt at a fic.so yeah. Don't be TOO harsh if you don't like it! Thanks, I hope you enjoy!  
  
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Torn  
  
Chapter 1: Ain't Talkin' 'Bout Love  
  
"I promised myself that if I didn't have anything to stay for, I would never come back to the Bebop. I've left so many times, and each time, something pulls me back. I think I know what, no, WHO it is.but I don't think I could ever bring myself to admit it.I don't think I could even believe myself, even if I knew it was true."  
  
Quietly, Faye sat in Spike's room, holding in her hand a photograph of a woman with long, blonde hair. ".So this is Julia." The picture flattered her image, and even though the smile she wore looked sad, Julia still seemed to shine off the glossy paper.  
  
Spike, who had been working on his ship all morning, lay quietly on the yellow couch in the main room, attempting to sleep. When he was finally on the verge of falling asleep, he heard a soft noise coming from his room. "My God..." Spike sat up just as Jet came into the room, "Hey, Jet? You seen Ed? Because I just heard someone in my room."  
  
"Well, I haven't seen her for a while. She's probably in there; it's worth a look," he shrugged and sat on the couch next to Spike.  
  
"Damnit. I don't want her to be looking through all my stuff," he got up quickly and walked toward his room.  
  
".And I'm just that 'other woman.' I see..." in a mixture of sadness and anger, Faye stood up and tore the picture of Julia in half, throwing the end result into the trash can. Just as the two pieces hit the bottom of the can, she heard the footsteps of someone approaching the door. "...What are you doing Faye? Shit! He's gonna know you were in here." Faye franticly picked up the two pieces of the picture. "Oh.God! I-I can fix it."  
  
Spike frowned at his closed door and tried to open it, only to find that it had been locked. Rolling his eyes slightly, Spike knocked on his own door, "I know it's pretty stupid that I'm standing here knocking on the door of my room, but can whoever is in there please let me in?" When after a few moments he didn't receive an answer, Spike banged on his door even louder, "HELLO?! Ed?! Is that you in there?"  
  
"Aw, shit!" Faye whispered, and shoved the torn picture into her shirt, "Oh God, don't let it crumple!" After she straightened her shirt, she yelled through the door to Spike, "IT'S ME!! I...I'm looking for.um.something!!!"  
  
A confused look almost instantly crossed Spike's face, "Faye? What could you be looking for in.MY room?"  
  
"Uhh.well.I-uh.I think Ed put something of mine in here!" Faye replied, whining slightly out of pure nervousness.  
  
"Well, alright, but can you hurry it up? I'm kinda greasy, and I'm kinda looking forward to a shower at the moment," his voice sounded muffled to Faye through the door.  
  
"Greasy?" Faye looked around the room franticly and whispered to herself, "No evidence. Don't get caught." Quickly, she walked to the door, then unlocked and opened it. "Sorry," Faye tried to avoid eye contact with him as she attempted to leave the room.  
  
Spike stuck his arm to the side to stop Faye form leaving right away, "You find what you were looking for?" he looked down at her.  
  
"Yes," Faye was still desperately trying to avoid his eyes meeting hers, "Can you move your arm now?"  
  
Raising his arm, Spike sighed very quietly so that she could not hear him, "What's with you recently?"  
  
Faye sighed deeply, "Nothing.it's nothing." She passed Spike and continued walking to her room, not noticing that his eyes followed her silently down the hall. "Well.alright.whatever," with a puzzled face, Spike walked into his room, and closed the door.  
  
Once Faye was in her room and had locked the door, she proceeded to panic, "OH GOD!!! I need tape! Tape.tape." she started rummaging through her room, overturning everything in it, hoping that she would find something to hold the picture together. In a strong outburst, Faye screamed, extremely frustrated now, "WHY THE HELL DON'T I HAVE ANY TAPE??!! AHHH!!" She looked down at the torn picture, "Well.maybe I'll wait to see.if he.notices.?" As the last word of her sentence left her lips, a knock came on Faye's door.  
  
"Faye?" Spike's voice was muffled through the door, but was still very clear.  
  
"Yes?" she picked up a book and put the picture between two of its pages, "What do you want?" These words came over a little stronger than Faye had wanted them to, but she made no attempt to make herself seem in a better mood than she really was.  
  
Sensing the frustration in her voice, Spike responded in a calm voice, running his hands over the edge of the towel he was holding, "What was the screaming about? Whatever it is must be givin' you hell." he added in attempt to lighten the mood. He scratched his head lightly, trying to think of something else to say when there was not an answer. Spike opened his mouth to ask if he could come in, but the door opened to his surprise. He quickly shut his mouth.  
  
"I need tape." Faye cast a glance at Spike, then she turned to the side, looking thoroughly frustrated.  
  
Trying his hardest to sound comforting, Spike softened his tone, "Faye.seriously..." She would not turn to face him, but he continued, all the same, "Something is bugging you, and it's not tape." he smiled softly, "you've even got me worried."  
  
"Yeah. Right. I got you worried about me," Faye retorted in a sarcastic voice.  
  
"Faye..." Spike placed a hand on her shoulder, and she turned to look at him, ".if you ever wanna talk, you can come to me.'sept for now.I'm taking a shower. He smiled. "I'll see you later." Spike turned and walked away to the bathroom.  
  
Tears started to form in Faye's eyes, but she tried hard to hold them back. "Maybe Ed can help me later." she said in a murmur to herself, then made her way into the main room of the Bebop, and flopped down onto the couch.  
  
"What's eatin' you?" Jet mumbled.  
  
Faye had not realized he was there, and jumped slightly at his words. She calmed herself down almost instantly, and said in a very hollow voice, "Nothing. Where's Ed?"  
  
Jet shrugged, "I'm not sure...she's been runnin' wild lately. Can't say I blame her though; bein' cooped up isn't fun for a kid."  
  
"I guess. Christ, I hate my life." she let out a heavy sigh. "Well, do we have any tape?"  
  
Raising an eyebrow slightly, Jet looked at her, "Tape? Why do you want tape?" He shook his head, "You know what, never mind. I won't ask. Yeah, sure, we've got tape."  
  
"The clear kind of tape? Really?" Faye sat up straight.  
  
"Yeah.it's over there," he pointed across the room.  
  
Jet was startled slightly by how fast Faye had gotten up and practically sprinted to get the tape. She then started running to her room, only pausing slightly for a, "Thanks, Jet!" before she was in her room and had closed the door.  
  
Jet opened his mouth to call after her, but with her door closed, he thought better of it, and shook his head again, smiling slightly. He looked up when he saw Spike walking towards Faye's room with a towel wrapped around his waist, and his hair, soaking wet.  
  
"She's not kidding, the water is freezing." Spike grumbled slightly as he proceeded to her room.  
  
Faye opened the book she had placed the picture in and took out the pieces. She matched them up carefully, "Okay.that looks good.Ed will have to do some work on it with her computer, but its ok." she was cut off by a knock on her door.  
  
Spike stood outside her door. He waited for a moment, then, when there was no reply, he knocked again.  
  
"WHAT? I'M BUSY!!" Faye yelled through her door at the person responsible for disrupting her. She tore a piece of tape off the roll.  
  
"Oh God." Spike rolled his eyes. "I'm sorry, I was just wondering if you wanted to talk," he continued with a slightly agitated tone, and seemed to have forgotten the fact that he only wore a towel.  
  
"Well, I'm busy Spike, I can't talk right now." Faye replied, now thoroughly agitated, as she tried to concentrate on keeping the pieces matched up. Spike's voice came again through the door, "You sure?"  
  
After she taped the picture back together, quickly, Faye placed it back into the book. "Well," she walked to the door and opened it, "I don't know." Faye sighed and looked away from him again, then continued, "I'm not up for talking.not with you."  
  
"All right, then," Spike shrugged humbly.  
  
Faye turned her sight to Spike once again, "I don't know who to talk to." she smiled sadly, and walked past him in the direction on the main room.  
  
As he watched her go, Spike sighed in frustration, "I just don't know what to do about her." he walked to his room, and closed the door behind him, locking it.  
  
"I hope.he doesn't notice." Faye stopped walking and turned in the direction of his closed door, "I hope."  
  
Spike leaned back against the door, very angry with himself, and slid down it, so that he was now sitting on the floor. He looked around his room slowly, the flung his head backwards, hitting it hard against his door, "Shit!"  
  
Faye walked into the main room and sat down on the yellow couch, "You are an idiot, Faye."  
  
Jet sat where he had been before, but this time, he was humming softly.  
  
She sighed deeply, "Jet?"  
  
The humming stopped, and Jet glanced at Faye, "mm hmm?" He placed his hands behind his head, and leaned back slightly, closing his eyes.  
  
"I'm a burden," she looked down at the floor. "You can always tell me you don't want me here."  
  
One of Jet's eyes opened, "What makes you say that, Faye?"  
  
"I'm not feeling myself today."  
  
"I can tell," Jet opened his other eye and sat forward, "do you wanna talk about it at all?"  
  
Faye looked at him with a very perplexed look on her face, "You.care?"  
  
"Well," he leaned forward, resting his folded arms on his thighs, "it really seems like something is bugging you."  
  
"Do you remember.what he.Spike said about me? He says a lot of things.but." Faye sighed, "Never mind." she stood up.  
  
Jet paused for a moment, then looked up at her, "The other woman.?"  
  
She bit her lower lip, "Yeah.that's it."  
  
"You know, he's been working himself up about it since he came back." Jet had a some-what concerned look on his face.  
  
"What do you.? Never mind, I really don't want to know," Faye walked out of the room and through the hallway. She stopped in front of Spike's door when there was a loud 'BANG' against the door, followed by some very violent swearing.  
  
Faye knocked on Spike's door lightly, "Umm.Spike? Are you .okay?" Through the door, she could hear him standing up. There was a click from the door as he unlocked it, and Spike opened his door slightly, "Yeah.I'm okay.what about you?"  
  
Narrowing her eyes slightly, Faye ignored his question, "What were you doing?"  
  
"What do you mean?" There was a definite tone of guilt in his voice.  
  
"I heard.things.noises." she blinked lightly.  
  
"Oh.that." Spike looked down as if he was trying to make up his mind about something, then he opened the door wider. "You.you wanna come in? I've been meaning to talk to you."  
  
Faye's eyes drifted to the side, "I-I.umm.I don't know."  
  
"I'll get dressed first, if you want me to. I just really need to talk to you, though." his voice sounded desperate.  
  
A sigh escaped Faye's lips, "If it's that important." He stood to the side for her, and muttered, "Come on in," as she walked into his room. "What do you want?" she turned to face him.  
  
Spike closed his door and turned to Faye, "Okay.a few days ago, I said something that I shouldn't have said."  
  
".Okay." Faye looked down at his floor.  
  
"And the thing is, I honestly didn't mean to say it."  
  
"Right.sure," her tone was slightly sarcastic.  
  
"No, listen to me. This is really hard for me to explain, because I don't even know exactly what I'm feeling," Spike pleaded with her.  
  
"I-I don't.I don't know if I.want to hear this."  
  
"When I heard about the whole thing with the username 'Julia,' I got kinda flustered because of an old flame I had.and I was so caught up in that that I overlooked the fact that I needed to get you." These words were just spilling out of Spike's mouth; he could not have stopped himself if he had wanted to, "I get caught up in things.it's like my fatal flaw," he smiled slightly.  
  
"To get me.?" Faye raised her head and looked at him, "What do you mean to get me?"  
  
"I told Jet I was going to get my woman and for him to go and get the other one, which when I said it, I had meant you. But once I came back.I.I realized I." Spike held his head. "I totally fucked this up.I'm sorry."  
  
Faye looked around, becoming nervous, "I.I."  
  
"Here.I." he walked up to her and placed a hand on each of her shoulders. "Don't you get it Faye? I.I went after the wrong one."  
  
Faye looked up at Spike, her eyes starting to water, ".I." She opened her mouth, but could not bring herself to say anymore.  
  
Spike's expression made him look as though he wanted to laugh and cry at the same time, "Faye.I meant to go after you."  
  
Before Faye could stop them, tears started streaming down her face," What?! WHY?!"  
  
"I don't know," Spike shook his head, "it doesn't make any sense. But." he placed a hand on each of her cheeks, wiping away some of her tears, ".that's why I trust it."  
  
"But I.but you?! Look," Faye sniffed slightly, "Spike! I didn't come in here to look for something. I mean, I did, but not because of Ed."  
  
Shaking his head, Spike smiled softly at her, "I don't need to hear it.really, I don't."  
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
"Don't be. You've got nothing to be sorry for. But.me.? I tried to deny how I really felt.but then I realized that I couldn't anymore.I.I." he trailed of slightly.  
  
Faye sniffed again, looking to the side faintly, and mumbled, "I'm sorry."  
  
Spike turned her face very gently so that she was looking at him. He held her there and looked at her, into her eyes. Then, he whispered softly, "Don't be."  
  
"But I.I.I think I destroyed...almost destroyed something precious to you. I'm sorry. I really am," tears still flowed from her eyes.  
  
"Unless you destroyed yourself, it doesn't matter to me at all," Spike stroked her cheek very softly with his thumb.  
  
"But the picture of her.? I'm so confused!" Faye sighed and placed her hands in front of her face. Slowly, she dropped them to her sides again and looked at Spike again, "I don't know what to think."  
  
"Then.don't think.you don't have to say anything. Just.let me do something before I loose the chance to, alright?" He looked slightly nervous, and his voice took on a slightly more serious tone.  
  
Faye nodded slightly.  
  
Spike moved closer to her, and very slowly placed his lips upon Faye's, and kissed her softly.  
  
In her revelation from Spike's sudden act of affection, Faye's eyes widened. His touch was so gentle, so warm, that she forgot everything that she had ever hated about him. Slowly, Faye closed her eyes and returned Spike's kiss.  
  
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Sooo.what did you think? I hope you liked it.I'll have more chapters up!! THIS IS NOT THE END!!!! Tell me what you thought! 


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